Foggy Mom Brain

Children have a way of stealing our hearts. It’s true. The pains of childbirth are quickly replaced with overflowing joy once we nuzzle our faces against that soft baby skin and watch them nurse so calmly at our breast.

Although motherhood is full of many beautiful moments, the cries of an impatient baby can begin to sound like a high pitched ringing in my ears after a while. The brain fog takes a toll due to lack of uninterrupted sleep. Toddler talk can seem like learning a foreign language. It can make my brain very very tired.

Always surrounded, yet often times feeling so alone.

Despite how many times I was awake throughout the night, I rise early. This uninterrupted time with God is true bliss and essential to help me plunge into the battlefield called “Today”.

As each child makes their way to the kitchen, it seems that my brain is being thrown around like a hot potato. It’s trying to keep up with the needs and wants of my children, but I find that the faster I try to process all that’s happening around me the less likely it is to process anything at all.

My husband and I took the kids to get their school supplies Sunday after church. Walmart was busy as ever. I told myself I wouldn’t wait until last minute to school shop.

Did it anyways.

I also told myself I would take my mother up on her offer to watch our youngest two to make the trip less chaotic.

Took them anyways.

You could say I had it coming. I wouldn’t deny this in an argument.

When in large places like Walmart where there is so much to look at and so many people surrounding me, I tend to get overstimulated. I can’t focus on anything aside from the noise and the movement around me. I begin to get irritated with my kids, sometimes I will even begin to excessively sweat if I get too worked up. Why is it so hard to find pink erasers anyways?

I try to tell myself to calm down, but it seems the more I sense myself getting worked up the more my focus is lost. Why am I this way? Why can’t I just go to Walmart and not feel panic?

I’ll add going hungry makes it ten times worse.

I need to start packing an emergency ham sandwich to have available before I bust through those doors to the war zone that lies ahead.

The panic I experience is a reminder that things are not as they should be. I ask God’s Spirit to calm my nerves and as I cling to Him my invisible fear begins to fade.

Later that evening, my husband called in reinforcement. My mom shows up to babysit the kids so I can have a few hours away from my motherhood duties.

What do we decide to do for our first night away?

Buy socks for our kids. Exciting date night.

Trying to make the best of our alone time, it seemed that all we wanted to do was talk about our kids. How strange to crave moments of peace and then once we get what we asked for we still aren’t happy. Typical human flesh behavior I must say.

What I learn from each “Today” being a mom and a wife brings me so much joy. Although this is joy from God’s view and not ours as humans. Caring for my children is molding me day by day and I can only thank my Savior Jesus for that.

He came to serve us. He took on the form of man and showed us how to sacrifice our own needs to find true joy in carrying for the needs of others. I thank him for even the moments of panic I experience, knowing He is using this discomfort to carve me into the image that He calls me to be.

So if you are overwhelmed by the day, may I encourage you to look to Jesus. He is always with you. He will never leave you or forsake you. He knows your struggles, even your secrete fear of Walmart my friends. He knows it all.

We as mother don’t have to take on “Today” alone. Lay your burdens on Him and He will give you rest that can’t be found on earth. It definitely can’t be found from the Walmart shelves friends.



Stone to Flesh

Tonight my family and I stepped outside into the crisp evening air to stare up in wonder at the galaxy which surrounds us. Standing in awe at the sight before my eyes, I praised God for His wisdom and knowledge that is far beyond our human understanding. Our Creator who spoke all that we see into being, how truly wonderful are His ways?

Lord how great is Your love that you would change my heart of stone? No way worthy in the state which I was once in, you chose me before the foundation of the earth to be transformed into the likeness of Your Son Jesus Christ. Walk with me Lord. Teach me Your ways. Search my heart and if anything inside of me is in need of repair, will you correct me just as a loving earthly father corrects his son? Guide me with Your gracious Spirit. Bring all my sins to surface so that I will let go of my old worldly ways and press forward to the end goal. Eternity with you. Amen

Coming back into our warm dry home that we have been blessed with, I pulled out a favorite DVD title borrowed from a friend, Is Genesis History and watched with eyes pried open. Each time watching it, I take something else away from this amazing film. Also I now want to travel to the Grand Canyon and to the island of St. Thomas. So many beautiful places to explore on this earth!

Next I found myself on the Heart Cry Ministry YouTube channel. I’m thankful for Paul Washers faithfulness to our Lord. On one specific video, He was interviewing a believer about his conversion story.

How I love hearing how the Lord opened the heart of a wretched man. Removing the veil that once blinded him from the truth. Then about their journey from that moment forward How amazing it is to hear of souls once lost, now found and called children of the Most High.

Each believers journey to Christ is unique, but one thing is alike among them all. It was nothing of our own accord that made us humans righteous in the eyes of our Holy Almighty God. No amount of good works can save us from our own sinful condition. It is only by His blood, His Spirit, and His overflowing mercy and grace that allows us to be set free.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God. Ephesians 2:8

As believers, we must pray at all times for strength and courage to live out the truth that He allowed to come forth within us. For as we know, this strength can’t be found within our own human flesh. God knows our hearts, so we should be honest with him when our thoughts, words, and actions that are in need of correction.

It should bring us great joy knowing we can come to our Father at all times and He listens and cares. We can ask Him anything according to His will and it will be granted to us.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, he hears us. And if we know that He hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of Him. 1 John 5:14-15

My prayer tonight is that the gospel message that you all have heard many of times would really soak deep within your being. Taking your mind off the world and placing it on the person of Jesus Christ. The Son of God who came to teach us how to love. The Son of God who came to free us from ourselves and our condition. Nothing else is even comparable my friends to the sacrifice God made for mankind. It was the final atonement for the sins of those whom by faith are saved.

He Himself is the sacrifice that atones for our sins – and not only for our sins, but the sins of the whole world. 1 John 2:2

As we celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ my we all be reminded how much God truly loves the world. He took on the role of man, yet was very much still God. Many rejected Him and His teachings, as they still do today. Yet, those whom He foreknew He predestined to be conformed into the image of His Son. His work is yet to be completed until every tongue and tribe confess His Holy Name! How truly wonderful are His ways?

For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed into the image of His Son, that he may be the first born among many brothers and sisters. And those He predestined, he also called; those He called, He also justified: those He justified, He also glorified. Romans 8:29-30

Thank You God for changing my heart of stone and making it a heart of flesh. Thank You for Your Son Jesus Christ.

Merry Christmas my Dear Brothers and Sisters.

Finding Joy

Today we were blessed with an unusually warm November day. I slept through most of it since I worked nights, but upon waking I took a moment to step outside and admire the last of the leaves on my now mostly bare trees. The puffy clouds were passing overhead. There was a soft breeze and in that moment so much joy filled my heart.

There is no better place to be when life feels stuffy, than outdoors enjoying the scenery God has painted for us. Each day a different portrait fills the sky as far as we can see east from the west. Each day God holds everything in the universe together. “The heavens declare the glory of God. Psalm 19:1

What comfort I take in that thought. Knowing no matter what we face day today, our Creator holds it all in the palm of His hand. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17″

I have blessings all around me. My wonderful husband. Our three precious children. Food in an abundance. Clothes and a covering over our heads. A Church family rooted deep in the Word. Why then do I often forget these blessings God has provided me with and get caught up in the pain, the sorrow, the failures, and disappointments in life? “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18”

Well the truth is, life is painful. Life is most certainly filled with disappointments as well. However, when I choose to focus on what Gods promise is for me as His child rather than these unfortunate events, my perspective changes. My gloom turns to joy. This joy isn’t found in earthy accomplishments or even in the countless blessings surrounding me, but in Christ alone.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” James 1:2-3

My joy is not found in material possessions either. These things of the earth provide only a temporary high that is soon lost once the new wears off. When I finally met Jesus, I faced reality that my heart and thoughts were wretched. I was finally able to experience the divine saving power of God. Nothing done on my own accord, only because of His Grace through the cross. “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sake He became poor, so that you through His poverty might become rich. 2 Corinthians 8:9”

No greater joy has ever been experienced than when I first mourned over my sinful state. The fact that a perfect Holy God could have mercy on a sinner like me made my heart truly overflow with joy.

Jesus is where my joy is found. His birth. His ministry. His death. His resurrection. His awaited second coming.

There are days I don’t want to get out of bed. So I look to the cross and for coffee. There are days I don’t want to wash the sink full of dishes, or discipline our children, cook the meals, or quite frankly put on a real pair of pants. So I look to the cross. Jesus Paid it all friends.

Our sins they are many, His mercy is more.


Our Homeschool Journey

Our Homeschool journey has begun! I’m here to tell you the decision to homeschool our children was not a choice made on a whim. Initially it was just a thought that I had long before COVID-19 shook our nation.

After the uncertainties of the world forced our children from their 8-3 schooldays into the homes, I saw this as the perfect opportunity to trial run schooling our children.

Many questions began to arise. Why do people choose to homeschool? Am I smart enough? Am I qualified? When did people start to send their children to public schools anyways? What does God tell me to do?

Lesson number 1 I’ve learned from dozens of other veteran homeschoolers so far is, as parents, we must be willing to learn along side our children.

Can you hear those wise individuals you’ve encountered thus far in your life saying, “You should never stop learning in life!”

I can. How true this is! This answers one of my questions in regards to homeschooling. Am I smart enough?

Truth is it’s been a good while since I’ve studied when to change a y to an i and how to find the value of x. But I see now how awesome it is to have this part of my brain be awoken and then the lightbulb go off for my daughter as it clicks!

We live in an era where everything we need to know is available at the tap of our fingers. No excuse is good enough now Abby. This is not to say difficult subjects will not arise, but God has also blessed us today with online tutors and an amazing homeschool community for support as well!

Why do people choose to homeschool? Truth is there are probably a dozen main reasons people choose to homeschool, but I’ll just name a few and do so from a Christian view.

Reason number 1. God instructions us to.

There are multiple scriptures telling us as parents to homeschool our children. Due to sin and the fallen state of the world we live in, there are circumstances that can keep parents from doing this. Single parents especially would have a difficult time and couples who financially have a greater debt to income ratio would struggle having one parent primarily stay in the home.

If you are wanting to homeschool your children and financially you don’t think it’s possible, I suggest first to pray to God as He knows what we truly need. Also, I recommend Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University Program!

Making the selfless decision to cut back on your families monthly spendings, possibly even downsizing your home to reduce your monthly mortgage, or selling one of your vehicles and buying something much more affordable would be huge financial moves. In extreme measures, cutting down to one car for your family. These big financial decisions would possibly allow you to cut back at work and therefore make it possible for you to homeschool!

There were two scriptures that kept me up at night in regards to my decision to homeschool.

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭6:7‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭22:6‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

After giving my life to Jesus, my whole view of life was turned upside down. I no longer see the world as I once did, but rather as a battle ground where I am preparing my children to one day be thrown out into it.

Gods word is the only reliable source I should be trusting. Realizing that He has given us blessings upon blessings of advancement with technology in the world today, but if I fail to teach my children Gods views, I am not following His instructions. Teach them when you rise, when you sit, and when you prepare to go to sleep.

How can I do this when I’m away from the home and my children are away from me?

What does public school teach our kids anyways? Well, many wonderful things! I learned to read. I learned to write. I learned algebra and world history! I learned how to jump hurdles and to play a flute! However, the most important thing I should have been taught wasn’t allowed in public schools. That being, God.

Even many schools that claim to be religious are not instilling proper beliefs of God and His creation into these young children’s brains, but rather slapping religion at the tail ends of their highly esteemed curriculums parents pay thousands of dollars a year for.

Many parents will argue that this is what religion is for. But when children are attending a public school from 8-3, five days a week, Sunday school and Weekday school won’t cut it. Even a 45 minute religion class a day at those high dollar private schools won’t do the job. Many children choose to no longer return to church themselves once becoming of age and then choose to accept a worldview of an evolutionary standpoint, rather than the fact that God created the world and everything we know in just six short days.

Next argument. “Well one day they will be on their own anyways and a lot of kids who had God forced down their throats end up worse off not even believing or going to church.”

Sure this could be true, but as parents who have been saved by Gods Grace being called to homeschool, you know that it is truly in Gods hands. You are being obedient to Gods command to teach your children.

If your children choose to not follow the truth, that is between your of age child and God. Pray. Pray. And pray some more for their future salvation to occur. Knowing you did what pleased God, teaching them in the way they SHOULD be going. For if they were truly predestined to be saved, they WILL NOT depart from it.

Reason number 2 to homeschool. Time.

As if Gods command wasn’t enough to make me choose to homeschool, I came to the realization that time is something I will never get back. My children are growing before my eyes. The thought of only having weekends, weeknights, holidays and summers to be with my children compared to well, everyday all day, there is NO comparison.

Understanding fully that one day, if it be Gods Will, my children will become adults that will leave my nest and build future families of their own! This brings me great delight to envision them taking the same godly principles they have been taught during their youths and then implementing them into their own homes.

However now, here in the present, they are our children to raise and love, watching them grow hopefully in strong biblical truth!

Time is ticking. Never truly knowing when God will call any of us to Him, the time to teach our children is now.

There are plenty of other reasons why people I know choose to homeschool, but none of them are as important as the fact that God commands us to do it and our time here on earth is short.

I’ve chosen to accept the fact that God, knowing what’s best for my life better than I do myself, has this homeschool situation in the palm His hands.

On my knees daily, asking for strength to carry out His Will, I know I am nothing without His Strong Holy Spirit that guides my path each and every moment of everyday. Everyday falling short, but Praise God for His overflowing Grace that gives me my true strength to pick myself back up again and push for my goal.

Eternity with Him.

Happy Homeschooling friends. I thank you for your obedience to our Heavenly Father.

May you keep on in this race where you will be blessed with an everlasting crown!

Pondering Life

Imagine being thrown overboard into the deep blue with your hands tied behind your back and a 35 lb cinder block to your ankles.

Unable to escape from the reality you are facing. Death drawing near. No hope. A sure state of despair.

In a matter of seconds the weight of the cinder block will cause you to be pulled down deeper and deeper.

Your lungs, from the moment you came forth from your mothers womb until now, have been exchanging oxygen and carbon dioxide. Yet now, sinking deeper into this tragic pit of despair, one is in a state where it is physically unable to function.

The lungs that once breathed the precious oxygen will now begin to build up with the toxic carbon dioxide that has no where to go. The clock is ticking as they hold their breath.

Seconds pass as they then realize they have no other choice but to suck the water into their lungs where they will begin to flood their respiratory system. Putting it in a state of panic where it is no longer able to maintain a proper state of homeostasis.

The body will begin to shut down. Soon leading to death of the physical body.

As this person, this body is dying, I can’t help but think about what view of life they have chosen to accept.

I myself a bystander unable to help, seeing that I’m tied up as well waiting to be thrown overboard not too longer after witnessing their own tragic death.

Reality is this. No one can run from the fact that death is awaiting each one of us. Some face death much sooner, from our human standpoint, than others. Some face death in a more “tragic” way than others. As if we truly believe that their is a peaceful way for our body to no longer function.

I guess it may appear this way. But again reality is, death is death. The painful moments that leads up to it, more tragic than others yes, but death is all but the same in the end.

If one chooses to believe that their life is nothing more than a collection of vast moving nerve cells, then they have chosen for themselves an evolutionary world view. Viewing life as a matter of chance, rather than it being perfectly spoke into existence by a Creator.

However I have chosen to look at life through a different view. Realizing that nothing can create something, I acknowledge that my conscious is the power of my own self awareness and moral judgement to do what is right.

If I realize that there is a right and a wrong way to be a moral human being, than I acknowledge that their is a law holding me accountable to these standards.

Without this law, life would be immoral. Making the evolutionary humanism view of life acceptable for myself to believe true.

But this isn’t the case. My heart tells me otherwise. I see that life is to be valued. I agree that murder is wrong, but why do I choose to believe that? If life is nothing more a matter of chance itself, then why would my heart tell me to cherish it so much?

I refuse to acknowledge that it is my brain that brings me joy in life. That makes me value life and the beauty of the earth that which I live on. My children, such a precious gift, are more to me than just memories that will one day never cease to exist. This my friends is just not so.

Those who commit wrongful acts are not “sick” in their brains, it is their hearts that need to be cleansed from all unrighteousness. No human can do this for someone. It is God, our Creator that makes this possible through our own awareness for the need to repent. God is who forgives us when we repent, even when humans will continue to have a different view of us based on our past decisions and behavior.

As humans, we see the need for a judge to punish individuals for wrongful acts. That defines a good judge. Punishing a person for the crimes they commit. No matter how small or large from a human standpoint they may be, there are consequences for our actions.

If a judge didn’t hold us accountable, he wouldn’t be viewed as a good judge. Morally we are held accountable for our wrongdoings, but if you begin to remove a moral law then my friends you have a humanism view of life.

Which is a dark world of life without a Creator. Life without laws. Life with consequences.

I am created in the image of my Creator. Therefore I choose to imitate Him, morally and intellectually.

More importantly though, spiritually.

If you are thrown overboard, what view of life have you chosen to accept for your very existence?

That life is a matter of chance which leads to nothing?

Or rather that life is to be cherished, having faith in what’s to come, that which has been promised to us by God through His Son Jesus Christ.