Children have a way of stealing our hearts. It’s true. The pains of childbirth are quickly replaced with overflowing joy once we nuzzle our faces against that soft baby skin and watch them nurse so calmly at our breast.
Although motherhood is full of many beautiful moments, the cries of an impatient baby can begin to sound like a high pitched ringing in my ears after a while. The brain fog takes a toll due to lack of uninterrupted sleep. Toddler talk can seem like learning a foreign language. It can make my brain very very tired.
Always surrounded, yet often times feeling so alone.
Despite how many times I was awake throughout the night, I rise early. This uninterrupted time with God is true bliss and essential to help me plunge into the battlefield called “Today”.
As each child makes their way to the kitchen, it seems that my brain is being thrown around like a hot potato. It’s trying to keep up with the needs and wants of my children, but I find that the faster I try to process all that’s happening around me the less likely it is to process anything at all.
My husband and I took the kids to get their school supplies Sunday after church. Walmart was busy as ever. I told myself I wouldn’t wait until last minute to school shop.
Did it anyways.
I also told myself I would take my mother up on her offer to watch our youngest two to make the trip less chaotic.
Took them anyways.
You could say I had it coming. I wouldn’t deny this in an argument.
When in large places like Walmart where there is so much to look at and so many people surrounding me, I tend to get overstimulated. I can’t focus on anything aside from the noise and the movement around me. I begin to get irritated with my kids, sometimes I will even begin to excessively sweat if I get too worked up. Why is it so hard to find pink erasers anyways?
I try to tell myself to calm down, but it seems the more I sense myself getting worked up the more my focus is lost. Why am I this way? Why can’t I just go to Walmart and not feel panic?
I’ll add going hungry makes it ten times worse.
I need to start packing an emergency ham sandwich to have available before I bust through those doors to the war zone that lies ahead.
The panic I experience is a reminder that things are not as they should be. I ask God’s Spirit to calm my nerves and as I cling to Him my invisible fear begins to fade.
Later that evening, my husband called in reinforcement. My mom shows up to babysit the kids so I can have a few hours away from my motherhood duties.
What do we decide to do for our first night away?
Buy socks for our kids. Exciting date night.
Trying to make the best of our alone time, it seemed that all we wanted to do was talk about our kids. How strange to crave moments of peace and then once we get what we asked for we still aren’t happy. Typical human flesh behavior I must say.
What I learn from each “Today” being a mom and a wife brings me so much joy. Although this is joy from God’s view and not ours as humans. Caring for my children is molding me day by day and I can only thank my Savior Jesus for that.
He came to serve us. He took on the form of man and showed us how to sacrifice our own needs to find true joy in carrying for the needs of others. I thank him for even the moments of panic I experience, knowing He is using this discomfort to carve me into the image that He calls me to be.
So if you are overwhelmed by the day, may I encourage you to look to Jesus. He is always with you. He will never leave you or forsake you. He knows your struggles, even your secrete fear of Walmart my friends. He knows it all.
We as mother don’t have to take on “Today” alone. Lay your burdens on Him and He will give you rest that can’t be found on earth. It definitely can’t be found from the Walmart shelves friends.